Suggestions?

Have a spot in the 5 boroughs you think I should hit up? Comment here and I'll be sure to add it to my list. Thanks!

Burgers and Shakes and Fried Pickles, Oh My! - STAND

Nothing is more welcoming than a red, white, and blue cow adorned with the stars and stripes. Nor is there anything more American. Trust me, my team and I did the research and the cow to the left one. It's why I have one in my bedroom. That and because he's fun to cuddle with during the cold winter months. 

For a time last year, Stand, which is located right in the heart of the NYU scene, featured this cow to lure people in for burgers and beers and...wait for it....if you guessed milkshakes, pat yourself on the back until you feel that sense of accomplishment that patting yourself on the back can bring. Where were we class? Ah yes, the NYU scene. If you can't hang with that, fear not as school's almost out for summer and for some, school's out forever. 

 

Let's start with the most important thing in your life that you may not know yet, the, as in THE Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake. I know I've been on a rant lately about burgers and shakes and what have you and that's because the abundance of these establishments has watered down the concept to the point of me not wanting to indulge my inner fat kid. Do something different. Give us a reason to think you wanted to make a shake that is not just ice cream in a blender. Give me a reason to want to shift up to a size 34 pants. Give me a toasted marshmallow shake and make it the biggest one you got! Rarely do I go this gaga for anything that's not that lady singer but holy hamburgers this thing is ridiculous.

 

To the left you have the Stand Burger with a pair of fried pickles and some home-made ketchup. According to their menu, the Stand Burger comes as follows:

Specially seasoned beef, red onion, lettuce, tomato, house sauce $10

 
I don't even eat ketchup on my burgers so I end up just doing a shot right out of the little ceramic cup it's held in. Is that a ramekin? I'm not sure but if it is, I'm right about it maybe being a ramekin. If not, well, then you tell me what it's called since I missed all last season of Martha Living. 

Also to the left is their Cheeseburger which features:  

Sesame bun, beef, onion marmalade, lettuce
Choose: blue cheese sauce, cheddar, American or Swiss cheese $10

That particular photo is one w/the onion marmalade and blue cheese sauce. The sauce, also in a ramekin, maybe, was so good that I sipped up whatever didn't get poured onto the burger. Why? For starters it tasted good. Secondly, it embarrasses my mom.

I always go here for the shake. It is the best in town and it always hits the spot, for me. We eat with our eyes, the creators of Stand know this. My eyes love what they see from the shake to the burgers to the fried pickles to kick the meal off. I've been here more times than I can count, so much so that I've get them thinking I'm a PhD student at NYU which doesn't get me far but lying about fancy things makes me feel good.

Rating - 5/5. Always cooked to perfection. Always seasoned perfectly. This is one of my go-to spots. The burgers are top notch and you'd be hard-pressed to find a burger place serving up better shakes.

Stand is conveniently located on E. 12th St. near the corner of University Pl. Click here for their menu

Shake Shack - Madison Square Park

There's a magic recipe brewing in NYC and I'm not sure where it started but the theme is simple. Serve burgers and shakes and the people will flock. Somewhere along the line people figured that fattening foods go really well together and they help the fat get fatter and the skinny get fatter and it's a fat-tastic win-win situation. 

Buried in Madison Square Park, amidst equal parts tourist and hobo, is the Shake Shack. Yes, there are others and they're ALL crowded - except the one at Citi Field from July on since there's no reason to be there past July. It's like wearing white pants after Labor Day, you just don't do it. I hear there's also a Shack in Dubai but that's way too far to travel for a burger, regardless of the lines in the Park. Also buried inside that piece of paper is a burger that's being smothered by lettuce and tomatoes. Be a friend and help me out says the burger, I'm happy to oblige.

All of the hype for the Shack is semi-deserved. The burgers are good, not great. Same for the shakes. The menu is simple yet there are still people who can't discern whether they want a burger, fries, and shake or just the burger and shake so your wait grows accordingly.

My advice to the Shack - have a window for people that have a clue and then send the clueless out back on a special path to Wendy's where they can take all the time in the world, sit, gather themselves, and clog up someone else's line.

Part of the negative experience with Shake Shack is that the lines are atrocious, generally speaking, at all times of day. I don't take away points from the Shack because of it, I just bring it up for anyone that hasn't been there and is expecting to show up and get served. It's like Pink's in LA, but not as good and not nearly as worth the wait.

The simple menu will tell you that you're either getting a burger, with or without cheese. There's a shroom burger for the veggies out there and a few hot dog offerings, which if you're like me and need a Chicago style dog, their Shackago Dog is worth a look. It's not quite what you'd get in the Windy City at say, SuperDawg, but it's worth a look. They even got the poppy seed bun right.The fries are really not worth discussing since they're somewhat overpriced and slightly undersized. The words Shack Sauce kinda scare me but that's for my therapist and I to work out.

If you are craving something sweet, I'd go for a shake rather than a concrete. The latter is their take on a Blizzard and if you are stuck in NYC and don't have easy access to Dairy Queen, that's too bad because this is a cheap imitation.

There are numerous accolades for this place and each time I've had it I just don't get it. Yes the Shack is good. No, it is not great. There's not much, in terms of a burger (with or without the Shack Sauce) that can merit the hype. It's a smaller burger and you'll need two or three to get full. 

But at least they sell some sort of ice cream treat for those with dogs.

Rating - 3.2/5 - There's definitely better burgers in NYC for a similar price. I'm not going to compare their burger to a Luger Burger or JG Melon or Minetta Tavern because the comparison is outrageous but if you want something small and fast and cheap, I think you can do better. I wanted to inflate the score a bit as a nod to the dog but I refuse since we're on a burger hunt.

You're The Best Around - Best Burgers and Shakes (46th St.)

A free burger to the person who can tell me where this article's title comes from. Note that the free burger will cost me less than $10 and anything over $10 will come out of your pocket. You will not trick me into one of those $150 burgers, tricker.

Killing time yesterday before Atmosphere rocked Terminal 5, I drifted around and around until I stumbled upon this hole in the wall that was simply called, "Best Burgers and Shakes." There's nothing I love more than confidence, arrogance, swagger, or all of the above. You're the best? Say it. You can back it up w/facts later but don't be ashamed to be #1. Pop that collar, brush your shoulder off, do something that Jay Z would write 8 bars about and turn into a bazillion records sold for no apparent reason.

So this "Best" burger place also received an A from the Health Dept. and while I could really care less about these grades, that sign was obviously stolen from another establishment OR it was earned not based on cleanliness and perhaps based on something else - I'm thinking underhanded. Or overhanded, depending on your technique. Inside, the place is small and noticeably dirty, to the point of sticky. There's also the odor of a wet canine but that could be from the former tenant, or the cook. Who really cares? As long as it's not on the menu.

Speaking of the menu, it's downright strange. Their "double cheeseburger" is $2.25 less than the double hamburger. After finding out why the menu seems to have such odd pricing, the double cheeseburger is, in fact, 2 pieces of cheese on one slab of beef. Crafty and deceptive. Maybe the counter guy/cook is a ninja in his spare time? I did detect an accent.

Alas, food was ordered and cooked fresh. The burger was actually really good. Sure it was a frozen piece of meat but it was not cooked on such a high heat to cook unevenly and render it inedible. It was also nice and juicy, just like a medium rare burger should be. It was served with perfect grill marks on the meat and the bun which was a nice plus. The semi-toasted bun was perfectly sized for the burger along with the lettuce, tomato, and red onion that was served with it. Look at that perfectly cooked, medium rare treat with juices flowing like the river Nile.

Is it the best burger in NYC? Not quite. But it's solid and they also feature Cluck U wings and that counts for something in my book. I didn't try a shake but I'll save that for my next go-round since I'd definitely go back for more.

Rating - 4/5. I'd say it's a shade under a 4 for the burger alone but that swagger gives them a little bump up the charts.

I Think You Spelled It Wrong - BRGR (7th Ave)

Once upon a time I was coerced into going to Hill Country BBQ to see what all the hype was about. Rumors of meat flown in from Texas had me shaking my head side to side (that's a no good for all those who think it's opposite day.) After arriving at HC, we were told there was "like an hour wait" which translates to "get outta here b/c even though there's 7-8 empty tables right behind me, we're not feeding you." I wait for nothing!! Except maybe Halley's Comet, coming back to us in a mere 50 years.

So, leaving Hill Country all dejected and angry, I drift my way to some street where there were cars and people and some fancy lights. I was SO hungry I was about to just lay down in the street and rest when I was coerced, again, to try something I wasn't too keen on. This time, it was:

Friend - Let's try that burger place!

Me - You sure that's a burger place?

Friend - What else could it be?

Me - Not sure but I don't know what a BRGR is. Maybe they saved money on the sign by dropping two letters?

Now I know that misspelling things is trendy with the advent of text messaging (or txt if it makes you feel better) and the like but let's be serious. BRGR? Why not just call it BURGER? It seems to me that the latter makes more of a statement, albeit a bit cave-manish but look what that did for GEICO.

The hostess/order taker was VERY friendly. Maybe the most friendly person ever. But the poor girl did not ask me how I wanted my burger, er BRGR, cooked. Why not I wondered? They know what's best? They're smarter than me? Or do they just know what I want? Maybe that's it. So I stared at her intently, trying to pass my idea of a rare burger, BRGR, to her brain through our eyes. Did it work? HAHAHA silly rabbit, of course not. I got a thin, McDonalds sized (In-n-Out sized for the West-siders out there) BRGR with some other slop on top (they called it roquefort cheese and onions.) OK, OK, maybe the patty was slightly thicker than a typical McD's burger but it surely was hidden beneath all the additions.

Why you should avoid this place - for starters, they can't spell "burger." Let that serve as the first sign that you are about to embark on a bad adventure. Next, the prices!?!? For serious? $10 for a burger that is as small as something that McD's churns out for 1/10 of the price? Ok, truth be told, Ronald aint slingin' no Roquefort on his offerings but $9 for bleu cheese and some grilled onions is stupid, even for me.

The trio? A heaping of fried onion strings, sweet potato fries, and french fries for $4 seems like a good deal. Until you get it. The SP fries were just plain horrible - thin, overdone, lacking flavor. The fries were rather salty (but I'm not much of a salt aficionado so maybe the amount of salt is good for you), and the onion strings left a lot to be desired.

The black n white shake is the saving grace but spending $5.50 on a 16oz shake is somewhat fair but not enough to get this pony boy to come back in their stable.

Rating - 1.5/5 Conceptually sound but the flaws were there to make me not want to venture back. Especially for the price. Dropping nearly $20 for 2 burgers and fries? If I want to eat a small, overdone burger and pay a high price for it, there's always Blue 9 or Shake Shack.

Care to guess where I'm reviewing next?

Insert Clever Title - Black Iron Burger

There's a fairly popular site that I would often use to share my opinions on food. I would also use said site to get a pulse for what's going on in the food world around me. Using said site to garner opinions is often a useful tool considering the sheer amount of opinions listed should give you a good enough sample size (with the +/- margin of error needed in any poll) to make an accurate judgement (there's that E again! With the requisite squiggly line.) I digress, polling, such an informal science yet so heavily relied upon to shift opinions and sway beliefs. Where was I going with this? The lower east side of course! LES if you wish.

Anyway, the LES is how to so many famous things like mega sized potholes that bend my rims, a himalayan restaurant (the only one in Manhattan as far as I can tell), and this burger joint. Rest is marsh land as far as the eye can see. One evening, my buddy and I boarded a pontoon with our mohawk adorned guide who offered us a ride to this alleged burger paradise for three cigarettes and a shark's fin. No small order considering sharks are apparently not indigenous to the East River but who knew? Now you do.

Arrival at this Black Iron Burger Shop was swift and we entered for the new "IT" burger - why is EVERYONE in NY always ready  to hype ANYTHING up as a must have in a city that is overflowing with actual good food? Sad, so sad. More sad b/c it takes me til nearly 4am to realize that each post praising this place references the same thing - BEER! Liquid courage that makes you think you're tougher than me and obviously makes this food taste better. Well, this guy was not drinking that night and let me tell you, the burger here was pretty brutal. The waitress, I'm fairly sure it was a girl but what is gender? (Another question I struggle with as I dive through the quagmire called the Internet at nearly 5am. How you ask? Just look around and you'll see.)

Burgers. Focus. OK, so yeah, helper/servant whatever, asks what I want. I figure a burger and some beans would be a nice meal. So I did just that. In my charming, happy voice I ask for a burger and a side of beans. No reference from the servant as to how I want it cooked and I sank in my chair. I felt like standing up and yelling in her face "Cook it however you see fit since you are the experts of this marshland and I am a mere visitor here to eat your fattened calves!" There was no yelling. There was also a scant amount of beans. $3 for roughly a tablespoon full of beans. LITERALLY bro. I was given a Styrofoam shotglass full of beans that tasted no different from some Campbell's beans. Don't get me wrong, I love me some pork n beans but $3 for this? I felt like I was wallet raped. It made matters WAY worse that I was brought these beans prior to the burger's arrival and it just seemed very embarrassing. Was I secretly at NOBU eating off their tasting menu? I think not. So gimme some mutha-flubbing beans marshpeople! Oh and another thing, if the big chains are vilified for their use of foam containers, why are they used? Marshpeople are eco-killers if you asked me.

Oh yes, back to the burger. So, sober me gets his burger. Comes wrapped in foil (eco-killers part 2), as if I am being shown the door. Mind you the place is rather empty and I'm tamed down like I'm on church behavior. I open the foil and find another lil hockey puck masquerading as a hamburger. The bun was ok. The overall burger was hard and cooked to hell so it tasted like nothing more than overcooked, dry meat product. What a bad experience. How'd I make it worse? I'm pretty sure I hit up one of the pseudo-cheesesteak spots that are popping up in NYC. If I was a cheesesteak blogger I'd set you straight on those. Maybe I'll branch out and get ambitious one day. Maybe not, so get off my back.

Rating - 1/5. Still not sure if I can give a 0. Maybe the food is better with booze? But if you need booze to make it better, is it really better or are you just imagining it better? Similar to your last relationship, only edible.